SHITTY SITUATIONS: Stop taking things personally!

Get yourself out of the way, stop caring so much! SEE SHITTY SITUATIONS AS AN OPPORTUNITY: change your way of approaching and reading people.

Reframe everything as a chance, you can co-create and share everything. Easier said than done.

One of my problems is: I take things personally when they come from close people and are discussed or analyzed longer than 5 minutes. When you don’t take things personally – no one has power over you. Your energy goes towards nice things. Easy to say, because my creativity doesn’t only apply to my art.. I am also VERY gifted in creating whole new scenarios and emotional patterns in my head that are often far from reality.

This month I posted about how I want to be more balanced and less emotional. 24 hours didn’t pass .. and I was already caught up in an argument about something that was so plain in its roots. BUT IT TURNED FROM PLAIN VANILLA TO HOT SAUCE FLAVOUR WITH SPRINKLES. I felt personally attacked by my partner who claimed that if one really wants/loves/desires to learn or achieve something he can just sit down, research, and study hard. On one hand, I agree: you can learn anything online nowadays. How to write songs, how to sing, how to use Photoshop, how to eat according to your health and lifestyle, workout like a pro.. Whatever new skill you want to acquire, the world wide web got you. On the other hand, I am craving this personal contact a “real teacher” provides. I choose to have a real-life skill mentor in some fields- but just because it is a procedure that takes longer and I am willing to stretch my learning process.. does that make me less “wanting it”? I felt attacked and made the rest of the conversation about me. Not that he stopped me, or gave me comfort in a mild way that I wish he did. He also diligently went down his own emotional/conversational pattern, knowing and seeing (or maybe not?) that I am not taking it well but making his point more important than my emotions. Instead of trying to ease the situation, he kept stabbing with words. And so instead of being like two nice cars that are built differently who pass each other recognizing and accepting the other as and for what it is – we just had a big collision- Hollywood Style. Congratulations to us.

Why couldn’t I take it and be distanced? We tried to explain our views to each other in a calm way but somewhere down the road, we ended up arguing. It’s hard to change an emotional pattern that we are locked in for years, we follow it religiously. For some strange reason we treasure these behavioral schemes, do they make us feel secure and more „us”?  I need to get rid of this annoying pattern baggage that I know just too well, I use these pointless tools every time I feel personally attacked. I sabotage myself and my position.

We get in our own way because we want to be perfect. We are trying hard to be flawless and end up being scared showing imperfections, which leads to undesirable situations: some of us turn into an iceblock and keep silent, some clash heavily, some of us give in but bleed inside.

The fear of not being picture-perfect sometimes leads to not showing anything at all and keeping silent. That’s also my specialty when it comes to showing my art or sing in front of others. ( or not posting anything on your blog for a few weeks ha ha.) If I’m not satisfied 100% – I decide not to show anything at all. So stupid!!! Sometimes I scroll through my art or photo roll after a few months I think „Why didn’t you just show it to the world, what held you back?” Concern. Caring too much.

NEW RULES I AM TRYING TO IMPLEMENT:

  • Get yourself out of the way, stop caring so much!
  • There is no way to get it right, just doing it gets it right.
  • Change the way to approach of co-working/living- its not me vs you, it it US and we have to solve this together in order to function together.
  • See things as an opportunity and not challenges: if I see this as an opportunity where I have the chance to explain and expand, I am going to interact differently with people around me.

BE MORE COMPELLING, MORE CONNECTED, MORE CONFIDENT

TAKE A NEW APPROACH TO SITUATIONS

„YES, AND..” – opens up a tremendous amount of opportunities instead of „NO, BUT..”

TELL WHAT YOU FEEL AND WANT WITHOUT BLAMING

Even though our values and experiences are different from people we interact with, we should talk and be sincere. Don’t hesitate to say what you really feel, just make sure it is polite and calm. Otherwise you cause resentment and hard feelings, even if your message makes sense. Be a harsh judge for yourself- will my opinion/feeling about someone or something really do good and be valuable? Or do I just want to be right and bossy?

STRUCTURE SETS YOU FREE

Set Structure everywhere. Communication, daily life, work.

And I don’t mean waking up every day at the same hour, eating your eggs the same way every day etc. I mean structuring your challenges.

Structuring each task with help of a well-known reflection model developed by Rolfe is based upon three simple questions: 

What? So what? Now what?

This reflective method is meant to help you understand problems and discover better solutions.

Step 1: What?

Task: Describe the experience in detail 

Potential prompts:

What happened? What did you observe?
What was your role?
What issue is being addressed or population is being served?
What were your initial expectations?

What was good/bad about the experience?

What did you learn from the experience?

Step 2: So What?

Task: Describe why this experience was significant

Potential prompts:

What critical questions does this information cause you to ask?

What about the event stuck out to you/made an impact on you?

What emotions does it evoke? How does it make you feel?

Step 3: Now What?

Task: Describe next steps

Potential prompts:

How will you apply what you learned from your experience?

Making sense of a problem gets you half way there. Understanding the real problem will help find relevant and impactful solutions.

Last but definitely not least:

I will try to identify and structurize/re-organize my Time Suckers for a More Productive Life.

Just started to set time limits for apps on my iPhone. Let’s see how that works 🙂

Podcasts I listened to the past weeks that helped me to set a 2021 plan for myself: (all CLICK-able!)

ALL BAGS ARE MADE BY ME & AVAILABLE IN MY ONLINE STORE : << CLICK MOLTOME!! >>

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